Featuring Susan Fleming, Ben Turpin, Hugh Herbert, George Barbier and Dickie Moore.
Directed by Edward Cline.
Directed by Edward Cline.
Synopsis
"What's his name?"
"I call him 'Sweetheart'"
The film is set in the fictional country of Klopstokia, which considers goats and nuts as its chief exports. In fact, like the titles above suggest, you could also say that Klopstokia is populated by goats and nuts. You see, everyone is descended from goats (goats are the national emblem) and everyone is a little bit crazy. Just to give you one idea - all men in Klopstokia are named George, and all women, Angela...
Jack Oakie plays Migg Tweeny, a brush salesman, who bumps straight into...Angela...(Susan Fleming). The pair instantly fall in love just as soon as they hit the dirt. This particular Angela is the President of Klopstokia's daughter.
It just so happens that the President of Klopstokia (W. C. Fields) is in trouble - the country is $8,000,000 in debt, and his cabinet are desperate to overthrow him. Salvation seems to be in sight when Migg Tweeny attempts to ask the President for his daughter's hand in marriage. After initially proving hostile towards Migg, the President is impressed by Migg's wizard-like personality and decides to hire him as Privy Councillor to solve the country's financial problems. Migg's reward will be that he will gain the President's consent to marry Angela.
Migg's solution to Klopstokia's massive debt is that the country should enter the Olympic games of 1932, held in Los Angeles, and win a shedload of money after cleaning up - you could say, sweeping up - on the medals front.
At the same time, in their secret underground lair, the cabinet ministers meet to discuss how to sabotage Klopstokia's entry in the Olympic games and thwart Migg. They decide to enlist the help of a spy - Mata Machree, the woman no man can resist (Lyda Roberti) - to seduce the entire team of Klopstokian athletes.
The entire cabinet pay her a visit to check out her seductive powers, and Mata agrees to help them.
Meanwhile, Migg sets about his task of recruiting Klopstokian athletes for the games - a task which takes him no time at all - and the whole gang set sail for Los Angeles. On board the boat, Mata Machree interferes with the athletes' training, swearing to each man that she loves him above all men.
On board the train to Los Angeles, the Secretary of the Treasury (Hugh Herbert) is concerned that Mata's involvement with the athletes on the boat has increased morale, rather than sabotage Klopstokia's chances in the games. Mata reassures him that her grand plan to butcher the hopes of Klopstokia will come to a conclusion at dinner that evening...
It does! The jealous athletes beat the heck out of each other, ruining their chances of competing in the games...
The wounded athletes of Klopstokia - lovesick for Mata Machree - can do nothing in the games, even with coach Migg's pep talk. It's down to Angela to go and fight Mata (winning a medal for diving in the process) and drag the beaten spy along to the Klopstokian dressing-room so that she can confess that she didn't love any of the athletes. With their pride restored, the Klopstokian athletes go out and clean up at the games, leaving Migg bristling with happiness.
The finale sees the President go head-to-head with the Secretary of the Treasury in a weight-lifting contest. Despite Mata's attempts to inspire the Secretary of the Treasury, the President wins, also winning a medal for the shot-put, which means that Klopstokia wins the games!
Jack Oakie plays Migg Tweeny, a brush salesman, who bumps straight into...Angela...(Susan Fleming). The pair instantly fall in love just as soon as they hit the dirt. This particular Angela is the President of Klopstokia's daughter.
It just so happens that the President of Klopstokia (W. C. Fields) is in trouble - the country is $8,000,000 in debt, and his cabinet are desperate to overthrow him. Salvation seems to be in sight when Migg Tweeny attempts to ask the President for his daughter's hand in marriage. After initially proving hostile towards Migg, the President is impressed by Migg's wizard-like personality and decides to hire him as Privy Councillor to solve the country's financial problems. Migg's reward will be that he will gain the President's consent to marry Angela.
Migg's solution to Klopstokia's massive debt is that the country should enter the Olympic games of 1932, held in Los Angeles, and win a shedload of money after cleaning up - you could say, sweeping up - on the medals front.
At the same time, in their secret underground lair, the cabinet ministers meet to discuss how to sabotage Klopstokia's entry in the Olympic games and thwart Migg. They decide to enlist the help of a spy - Mata Machree, the woman no man can resist (Lyda Roberti) - to seduce the entire team of Klopstokian athletes.
The entire cabinet pay her a visit to check out her seductive powers, and Mata agrees to help them.
Meanwhile, Migg sets about his task of recruiting Klopstokian athletes for the games - a task which takes him no time at all - and the whole gang set sail for Los Angeles. On board the boat, Mata Machree interferes with the athletes' training, swearing to each man that she loves him above all men.
On board the train to Los Angeles, the Secretary of the Treasury (Hugh Herbert) is concerned that Mata's involvement with the athletes on the boat has increased morale, rather than sabotage Klopstokia's chances in the games. Mata reassures him that her grand plan to butcher the hopes of Klopstokia will come to a conclusion at dinner that evening...
It does! The jealous athletes beat the heck out of each other, ruining their chances of competing in the games...
The wounded athletes of Klopstokia - lovesick for Mata Machree - can do nothing in the games, even with coach Migg's pep talk. It's down to Angela to go and fight Mata (winning a medal for diving in the process) and drag the beaten spy along to the Klopstokian dressing-room so that she can confess that she didn't love any of the athletes. With their pride restored, the Klopstokian athletes go out and clean up at the games, leaving Migg bristling with happiness.
The finale sees the President go head-to-head with the Secretary of the Treasury in a weight-lifting contest. Despite Mata's attempts to inspire the Secretary of the Treasury, the President wins, also winning a medal for the shot-put, which means that Klopstokia wins the games!
Review
"Line-up, suckers!"
"Million Dollar Legs" is an utterly bonkers film. It's stark, raving bonkers with a capital "B", which means that there are plenty of laughs to be had when watching. If you haven't seen the film before, I guarantee that there will be several moments during your first watch where you'll be unable to stop yourself from laughing. It's a film that doesn't take itself too seriously, whilst at the same time, is fully aware that it is just one film in a sea of several hundred, and it plays to that knowledge frequently.
What do I mean by this? Has the Klopstokian bug taken me and I'm purely writing nonsensical dialogue? No! One fine example of the film's bonkerssness (new word) is it's successful parodying of conventional elements featured in many a film from the 20s and 30s - heck - even from the birth of cinema. What I'm talking about is love. Sure, Jack Oakie and Susan Fleming are the young, romantic leads in this utterly crazy film, but they seem self-consciously aware that this is their billing and the writers have them play up to it every time they are on screen. The dialogue between the pair is at times unconnected and seemingly ignored - for example, Migg's declaration of "I love you" nearly every time that the pair appear on screen together is rarely answered by Angela. Never before in a film has "I love you" got such repeated laughs.
Such flat disregard for the spoken word by the characters in "Million Dollar Legs" makes it such a side-achingly funny film - just watch the scene where the President attempts to employ Migg as his Privy Councillor - there's a three-way conversation taking place where the President's words are totally ignored by the young lovers!
But at other times, dialogue is used to create moments of intimacy and meaningful connections between characters - sometimes they even listen to what other people are saying. One such example is when the President asks his daughter what her boyfriend is called. She replies that she calls him "Sweetheart", so, naturally, the President refers to Migg as "Sweetheart" throughout the whole film. Migg even signs notes as from "Sweetheart" when he writes to "Pres" - his pet name for his prospective father-in-law - but there is one occasion when Migg chastises "Pres" for calling him "Sweetheart", suggesting that "people are talking"...
But after moments of hilarious clarity where characters start acting as "real" people, come more scenes where characters forget all sense of purpose and rationality. For example, Migg accidentally drops the musical score to an old Klopstokian love song written on the skin of Angela's dead grandfather into a lake (don't ask), only for Angela to perform a perfect dive off the bridge that they are standing on into the water, to rescue the beloved music. This is at the point when Migg is recruiting athletes for the Olympic games, and comically, it never crosses his mind that Angela should go in for the diving at the games! Perhaps he's too busy being distracted by his conscious verbalisation of the insincerity of declaring heterosexual love to another in just three words: "I love you"?!
In a typical non-linear fashion then, such as is befitting "Million Dollar Legs", let me now return to the start of the film. The title music features some of the funkiest hotcha sounds around - I'm still speaking near incomprehensible gibberish in the spirit of the film - and by the way, I might have said this before, but, I love you...
OK, back to normality for the rest of the review and leaving metatheatrical japes aside, "Million Dollar Legs" works so well as an eccentric comedy thanks to its excellent script and stunning cast. There are so many great names in this film and all of them have memorable and hilarious scenes. So many things to talk about!
I'm still puzzled by the title of the film, however. Then again, I'm puzzled easily, and it seems the very spirit of the film to give you a title with very little direct meaning. Still, if I stand to be corrected I'll delete this sentence, but my ignorance will surely remain timeless. "Million Dollar Legs"....hmmmm......nope, it's not obvious what possible content in the film could in some way be related to the title.
Does
it refer to the President's daughter, Angela, for her contribution towards winning the much needed money
for Klopstokia? After her diving success - where she shows off her legs - could her pins be the titular money-making legs?? Could the million dollar legs refer to the Major Domo's (Andy Clyde), who is indeed speedy on foot and a central part of the Klopstokian athletic team?? I'm probably clutching at legs, I mean, straws here when I ponder whether it could be Mata Machree's hams that are so highly valued, seeing as she will help the cabinet overthrow Pres. as no man can resist her (legs)?? We never actually hear her fee for working for the cabinet - perhaps it's a million dollars?
Whew! So what makes this film so funny? Well, first of all, the mysterious spy character, played by the great Ben Turpin, garners lots of laughs with his ability to pop up everywhere, as indicated below:
W. C. Fields is hilarious. Whether it's juggling with bowling ball pins or weightlifting - using the Major Domo as his weight to lift up and down - Fields is in top form. All the time he's trying to prevent his bitter cabinet from overthrowing him, there are some great comic moments. Overthrowing in this instance literally means throwing the president over your shoulder, thereby dethroning him from his seat and taking his power for yourself!
Jack Oakie is similarly goofy as Migg, throwing himself around and taking a few bumps along the way. Susan Fleming and Jack Oakie are an excellent double-team, and there's even a nice joke that both share concerning Clara Bow! Migg reveals to Angela and Pres.: "I have -it-", to which Angela replies "You don't look -it-, but I'm sure you have", surely a reference to the original 20's It-girl, Clara??
The Cabinet of Klopstokia are also perfect. One of the best moments in the film, in my opinion, is when the cabinet go to visit Mata Machree. Led by the Secretary of the Treasury (Hugh Herbert), the Secretary of State (Sam Adams), Secretary of Interior (Billy Gilbert) Secretary of Agriculture (Vernon Dent), Secretary of Labour (John Sinclair), Secretary of War (Teddy Hart), and bringing up the rear, the Secretary of the Navy (Irving Bacon), the cabinet pay a visit to Mata's house in a scene full of innuendo.
The gorgeous, sultry, sizzling, scorching, searing hot Lyda Roberti is excellent as the woman no man can resist. Elegantly descending the staircase to the tune of Land of Hope and Glory (!?!?!), the cabinet are star struck by her revealing dress. When she gets hot, she really gets hot! Her song and dance routine wows the cabinet - the Secretary of Agriculture's heart flutters noticeably against his chest, as they all stand mesmerised and speechless by her hotness.
For an example of Mata's power that is testament to her tambourine like torso, check out the Secretary of the Interior's (Billy Gilbert) reaction below:
Mata's song is deliciously risqué: "When I start to dance, the fire hoses start to prance, and now the whole department, wears asbestos pants!"
Prancing fire hoses?!? Oo-er!
Lyda Roberti is perfect as the femme fatale and she has an excellent chase around the Olympic stadium swimming pool with Angela. Lyda Roberti also takes a -huge- slap to the face from Susan Fleming!
Ouch! That must have hurt!
So what are my other favourite comedy moments in the film?
Andy Clyde as the Major Domo almost steals the show with his exploits dressed as a goat; Fields and Herbert exercising against the same wall on-board the ship also ends with side-splittingly funny disastrous consequences; and one of my favourite moments is when Fields can't unlock the door of his office to call out to "Sweetheart", so he punches the glass out of the window rather than find the key. Also, look out for Billy Gilbert's sneezes - they're testament to what a great comic actor he was. Finally, it was great to see Hal Roach stalwart star Charlie Hall pop up in one of his trademark cameo roles - this time as a Klopstokian athlete in love with Mata Machree.
The film ends in typical screwball fashion. Pres. has proved his strength by defeating the ringleader of his rioting cabinet, only for his new benefactor to steal the show. Migg's boss, the rich Mr Baldwin (George Barbier) shakes hands with the President, throwing him over and onto the ground in the process. Lying flat on the ground, Klopstokia may have got out of debt, but its President isn't out of the water yet. He hasn't got a leg to stand on. Even if he's now worth millions.
Well, that was a quick tour of Klopstokia! I haven't obsessed over every scene in this film; to do so would rather spoil the fun of watching it, so on that note, I suggest that you go and watch/re-watch it. It's a charming film that is still hilariously funny and even fresh in 2016.
What's your favourite moment in "Million Dollar Legs"?
Watch it
"Madame is only resisted from 2 - 4 in the afternoon"
Go on! Don't resist! "Million Dollar Legs" is available on DVD as part of the Turner Classic Movies range from Universal.
Here's the link: Million Dollar Legs
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